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Cliché title, I know, but the songs been playing in my head for like a week straight now. I even had it on my “About Me Page” for a bit as it was the first thing that fell out when I sat down to try to write.
TMI
You'll notice that it's not there anymore. I was watching the Netflix series “Superstore” a night or two after I wrote up my “About Me Page” and Amy, a character on the show, had taken her friend Jonah’s phone. She was looking at his dating app reading off different things some of the women on the dating app had written.
One of the ones she read was “Just a small-town girl, living in a lonely world", and she started making fun of it. I immediately felt embarrassed and super cheesy, thinking well that has to be a sign (shaking my head at myself here🙄) and I ran to my laptop and removed it. I didn't want my "About ME" page to look like a cheesy dating profile. LOL
Pssst is the song stuck in your head now too? (waahahaha < maniacal laughter, if you couldn’t tell> my job is done here)
If you need to shake it off join me for a little air band session in the kitchen, your welcome 😉 You'd be surprised at how therapeutic having your own air band can be.
Down to Business
One of the things I’ve struggled with on and off in my life has been a deep feeling of loneliness. This is not something I've ever really spoken about with anyone.
Pressing from the inside
It's a hollowness that presses from within, sometimes really hard and other times it’s more like a constant hum or tapping.
The Storm
It’s not that I am not surrounded by amazing friends and family, quite the opposite. This can often make the loneliness even worse because the feelings of shame and guilt start to rumble off in the distance.
Some of the internal dialogue that starts to happen around this is "WTF is wrong with me? How dare I feel this way when I am surrounded by so many people that love me? What is my problem, why do I feel so empty?"
The storm brewing starts to feel ominous pushing me inside myself even deeper. This is when it’s a good time to reach out but most of us usually do the other thing, myself included, and we hide ourselves away letting loneliness have its way.
Judgment Day
Embarrassed, frustrated and scared of what people might think, I retreat until I feel like I have "my shit together". I let the negative internal voice in my head tell me to stay safe by not reaching out and that no one else feels this way or could understand especially when I don't even understand.
We hear people share this all the time and yes, I am able to relate with this. Being surrounded by people or loved ones but at the same time feeling such a crushing loneliness inside.
Alone in a crowded room
This loneliness aches from an echoing chamber in my gut somewhere. I can keep it at bay with staying as busy, busy as possible. Just keep moving, just keep busy, what’s next on my to do list.
Here we go loopty loo
The busyness feeds it and distorts it and in turn I try to get busier creating this never-ending loop which inevitably leads to
BURN OUT
Yep, you guessed it! I’ve been there and back a couple of times on this human journey of mine. I've since learned to allow myself some space around what I'm feeling which can feel pretty intense at times. When I open up enough space around it, I can then turn towards it and witness with a playful curiosity instead of running away from the discomfort.
TOOL
No, I’m not calling you names 😝
A technique I first learned in my Yoga training (which also came up in a coaching call with Zach Carlsen, a brilliant coach I connected with on Instagram - @Strengthslife a couple of months ago) is to sit down and gently lean into the feeling. Inviting it in for a cup of tea (or a cup of whatever blows your hair back 😉) and having a conversation with it.
Hogwash
You may think that seems pretty simple and silly or is a bunch of wishy-washy, phony boloney but I invite you to give it a try. What have you got to lose?
The Power of 3’s
I had a friend once express to me that when things pop up three times, she takes them as a sign to pay attention, to investigate or activate further. I couldn’t agree more, let’s get this show on the road!
Here is my conversation with and it goes a little something like this…
Hello Lonely,
I hear you; I feel you roaming around there inside. I’m curious, what are you up to? What is it that you want to share with me right now?
Anita,
Be here, be now, and know that you’re not alone.
I know you were expecting something deep and mystical or a much more complicated conversation but that’s really all I want you to know.
Well, Lonely that was rather an anti-climactic not to mention ironic statement.
Ok, is there anything else?
Be here, be now, You’re not alone
Yes, I got that.
You are not alone
(insert silent grumbling and a few F bombs here)
You
Are
Not
Alone
….
Well then, how’s that for a simple, straight to the point convo. Short and sweet, nice and neat (I don’t often have many of those with myself), I suppose I can’t complain about that.
Self Reflection
Loneliness for me right now is a sign that I'm not in the present moment or in alignment with my own values and it helps to spend time with a tree🌲 or nurturing a human connection.
It's OK
Note to self : It's OK to feel this way sometimes and others may not always understand but that doesn't mean you need to board yourself up like Doomsday's on its way.
What does feeling lonely mean for you?
If you've been feeling a little lonely lately (or alot), just remember
Sincerely,
YOU ARE NOT ALONE (as much as that negative internal voice likes to make you think you are)
Now dance it out: Expand, Contract, Pause. Move your body in a way that feels expanding to you, for example stretching your arms out like wings and then tucking them back in, breath, pause and wait for the next body part that feels like it wants to move, then allow the next movement to unfold. Try it slow or faster.
If you have a song you like to listen to when you’re feeling alone, I’d love to hear what it is, share in the comments below.👇
© Anita Elliott and S0uldanc3r, 2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Anita Elliott and S0uldanc3r with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Try it slow:
OR something a little Faster:
Join the Soul Dancer tribe @ www.facebook.com/groups/souldancers/
© Anita Elliott and S0uldanc3r, 2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Anita Elliott and S0uldanc3r with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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